Tuesday, May 24, 2011

The Power of Tension Blogfest


Why another Blogfest? The answer is quite simple, I saw this blogfest and I had to. 

“We want to see how tense your fiction can be. Give us an excerpt (up to 300 words) from your manuscript or recently completed work (or just a random scene) that drips with tension and will tie us in knots wanting to know more. It doesn’t matter what the piece is about, as long as it screams tension.”


If you want to enter you will find the link on my sidebar. So here is my entry, an excerpt  from a short fiction I am writing called:

"The Green Smasher"

One day my little brother and I were playing marbles. Willie, that was my brothers name, had this beautiful green marble that I had my eyes on and wanted really bad. The problem was that Willie never would trade it. I had tried everything I could think of to win that marble and Willie knew it. He just sat there and smiled at me for the longest time and then he said, “There is one way that maybe you can win the green smasher. That is if you dare.” I could tell by the look on his face that he was up to something and that something was not going to be good. As soon as the words came out, I wished that I could take them back.

“Ok smarty-pants, whatever it is, let’s make it a double dare! If I win the green smasher than you have to be my slave for a day.” Willie looked at me and said, “What if you lose, what do I get?” I really didn’t think that Willie was that smart and I guess I was right because he agreed when I said that he could keep the green smasher if I lost.
Willie climbed up onto one of fathers bar stools and took down his favorite shot glass. He sat it on the floor between us and said, “If you can throw a marble into fathers glass then you can have the green smasher.” I took a deep breath, picked up the biggest marble I had, took careful aim and made my toss. We both just stared at each other and at the broken glass on the floor.

Finally Willie said almost in a whisper, “Oh, oh. You are so going to get the paddle.” “No way, it was all your idea!” I screamed back at him. and then I cleaned up the broken glass as best as I could while my stupid brother just stood there with a terrified look on his face.

Between half muffled sobs he said, “Maybe he won’t notice.” We knew that he would be coming home soon so we quickly packed away our marbles, scattered into our room and for some reason decided it was best to hide under the bed. It didn’t take long before we heard father scream out the names he always gave us which  meant big trouble, “Sister… Brother! Get your scrawny behinds out here RIGHT NOW!”

We crawled out from under the bed, took each other by the hand and slowly made our way down the hall to where our father stood.  The closer we got the more terrified we were. He stood there like an evil giant holding the paddle like a weapon ready to spring into action.


25 comments:

Karen Walker said...

Great example of tension in a scene. I want to know what happens...
karen

Elisabeth Hirsch said...

OH no!

When I was a kid, I hid under the bed a few times too. Why did that always seem like the best place to hide LOL!

Brenda Drake said...

Oh, no, I'm so worried for the two. Great tension! :D

Craziness abounds said...

I love this! My brothers and I did similar things. We didn't hide under our beds. We knew better. We would take off and hope by the time we came home our parents would have forgotten or at least the anger had cooled a bit!

Michael Di Gesu said...

Poor kids. That paddle is going to hurt! Nice build up in the story....

Isn't blogfest greate?

Madeleine said...

Oh no indeed! The hairs stood upon my arms in anticpation of the spanking those 2 children would get. Gulp. Great to put the tension at the end like a cliff hanger. :O)

Gabriela Lessa said...

Oh, wow! Great tension!

Raquel Byrnes said...

That was great. I hadn't seen an entry involving children yet. Love the tension with them standing and waiting.
Edge of Your Seat Romance

Crystal Collier said...

Too real for my blood. =) Great little story.

Libby said...

I love the image of them holding hands while walking down the hallway towards a spanking.

Sari Webb said...

Ouch! I'm scared for them. Poor kids. :(

L. said...

The kids are named Sister and Brother?

Rachel Russell said...

I feel badly for the kids now. Great excerpt.

Lady Gwen said...

Did they really get caught? I was envisioning them being in trouble for something else, LOL. Good Job:)

Ellie Garratt said...

Me thinks this is a little over 300 words but that is okay, because it was brilliant. Poor kids!

Power Of Tension Blogfest

Siv Maria said...

OOps You are right Ellie, kind of forgot to count. Oh well, I just did this for the fun of it :)Thanks everyone for your comments, I really appreciate them!

J.C. Martin said...

Ooh...little kids in big trouble. I remember that tension well!

Shannon said...

I love this. I can clearly remember that feeling as a child. Oh boy, do I!

Susan Fields said...

Great tension - I'm scared to see what happens next, but I know it's not going to be good!

Trisha said...

Wow, this was really powerful...and sad :( I hate to hear about child abuse, which is what I consider any sort of hitting of a child.

Rachel Morgan said...

Ooh, now that is tension – waiting for father to get home and punish them! I think the waiting is worse than the actual punishment (though I suppose that depends on how bad the punishment is...)

Thanks for entering :-)

Crystal said...

Awww, poor kids!! Agree with Rachel - waiting for the punishment can be worse than the punishment itself. Nicely done!

Susanna Leonard Hill said...

Uh-oh! They're in trouble now! I wonder what the punishment will be...?

stickynotestories said...

Awww, poor kids! And as others said: waiting is the tense part for sure!

Grace said...

This certainly has me wondering what will happen next - like, is the father abusive???