Tuesday, July 5, 2011

The Other Part of Me

Me at 17, two months pregnant but not knowing it.

While I am waiting for more news from the traveler, I thought I would tell you a story about the other part of me.

There has been something missing from my life. I have tried to fill this empty hole with something else or someone else over and over again. The pain of loss never goes away no matter how hard you try to replace or ignore it. It is true that the heart can be broken and the soul can be ripped in two and torn. There is no peace of mind only temporary stillness. When I left my newborn son in the arms of a stranger I could only hope that the choices others made for me were the right ones. His tiny fingers curled around mine for one last time and holding my breath, I tried to hold back the tears and failed. I learned then that common sense can be cruel. I tried not to look back as I left the hospital but I realize now that I have never stopped.
The Musician, 2 days old.


Years went by and time healed many scars. Yet, every now and then a small blond haired boy, a certain song, or a faint smell of something familiar would open that scar causing me to bleed again. That is when I would climb into that empty hole and realize just how alone I was. Lucky for me there has always been someone there to help pull me out again.

Fate had been kind to me. I had 3 beautiful and healthy children as well as a loving husband.  The little blond haired boy had become a man. The song was all but forgotten, yet there was still a faint smell of something familiar that hung in the air. I tried not to dwell on this. I stopped myself whenever I started to wonder where he was, what he was doing and if he was happy. As it turns out I no longer have to ask myself these questions. Fate has been kind to me again.

On the other side of the world there was a young man who also felt a missing part of his life. His search for me began years ago while his parents were still alive. He never gave up hope, and he never stopped trying. Armed with just the name of an Adoption Agency and a helpful social worker his search was made easier by the wonderful world of Facebook.  The social worker found me, contacted me and put the two of us in touch with each other. 

Thirty- four years have passed, and it has been almost two months since he found me. The bond between us grows stronger. No one has ever made me fall in love so fast. Not for one instant has there been a stranger looking at me through the camera lens of Skype. How could there be? All I ever see in his face or hear in his voice is the missing piece of my heart. Yes, we still have a lot to learn about each other, but what a wonderful discovery each day brings. My son, who I will call the Musician (yes he is quite a talented one) will be traveling to Minnesota this Friday to meet his sisters for the first time. He has never had a sister or brother before so you can imagine his excitement as he comes face to face with another part of himself that has been missing.

This journal is about so much more than one daughter and her trip to the states. The Traveler, the Artist, the Musician, the Actor and myself; we are all traveling on a journey towards becoming a family at last. There are many who take this journey with us and many still to come.


28 comments:

Laura said...

How exciting and daunting and beautiful that you found each other. I wish you lots of luck and love!
Laura x

Furry Bottoms said...

I am really really excited for you!!!

Stephanie said...

It so wonderful that you found each other.

renate said...

wow:) what a story.. and you write soooo well:)I´m so happy you shared this, there´s so much sad stuff in the world, and this- you finding back your son, and your wonds being able to heal, is such a impowering story about how great life can truly be:) Im soooo happy for you! r

KarenG said...

What a beautiful beautiful post! Thank you for sharing your story in such an eloquent way. I look at that young girl sitting on the cliff and am thrilled that she had a happy ending to her story.

Sarah Ahiers (Falen) said...

Wow! What an amazing story!

Anonymous said...

I share your happiness.

N. R. Williams said...

Oh...this would have killed me. I am so glad you found each other. Will you also get to meet him. I wish you all great happiness.
Nancy
N. R. Williams, The Treasures of Carmelidrium

Karen Walker said...

Oh, Siv, this just gives me goose bumps. I am so so happy for you. I lost custody of my son when he was 3 1/2, so I know the kind of pain and loss you are describing here. What a blessing that you found each other and are forging a closeness. My son and I did the same after many years of pain.
Karen

E.J. Wesley said...

Wonderful story, Siv. Thanks for sharing it. I love a happy ending! :-)

unknownmami@gmail.com said...

So beautiful and touching. I hope he gets to read this. I am so happy for all of you. Thank you for sharing your story.

Craziness abounds said...

I feel your pain and your joy through your words. I am thrilled for your reunion. I am so happy the musician (after seeing his picture I kinda thought he might be) is getting a passel of siblings and your little family is growing together.

The Golden Eagle said...

That's a beautiful story. :)

Pia K said...

i can only agree with all the above comments, how wonderful that you found eachother! and that it feels so natural and perfect.

Emily Rittel-King said...

Beautiful post. I hope your reunion goes as well!

Hilary said...

Hi Siv .. how wonderful .. it seems you have 'love' in your heart .. that love that brings families together, that binds through ties .. I'm so pleased for you all .. sounds as though you'll be making up for some lost time .. and fantastic your daughters are meeting their brother .. Mother and son .. definitely soon ..

So pleased for you - Hilary

Francine Howarth said...

Hi,

One of the best HEAs ever! Enjoy!!!! ;)

best
F

Elisabeth Hirsch said...

You had me bawling like a baby! This post is AMAZING--soo touching and heartfelt. You're an extraordinary mother.

P.S. That picture of you is so cute ;) Your kids looks just like their gorgeous mother.

LINDY said...

I'm so very happy for you and your children!

Hart Johnson said...

Wow, Siv--what an amazing, heartbreaking story you've lived. I think at 17, your son probably WAS far better off with an older more stable family, but what a gift now, when his parents he grew up with are gone, to get to know his family of origin. I wish you could be there with all of them.

Craziness abounds said...

I just realized you are just about my daughters current age in this picture. lol

Deana said...

You've gone and made me cry...though I guess that isn't that hard. What a beautiful story of love and reunion. I'll bet you can't wait until you can wrap your arms around him again. Good luck on this new journey!

Tameka said...

I clicked to respond to an email that someone sent me through Scribblerati and then see your story on the sidebar. As I read I am transported to the other side. I am adopted and searched for and found my mother 11 years ago. It hasn't been what I hoped, but it's good to know that there are happy endings. Thanks for letting me see this from another perspective. Blessings to you and your family.

Linda H. said...

I am so happy for the two of you. Enjoy this new beginning. May it lead you both to happiness.

Inspiring Always said...

Such a touching story. It gives me goosebumps. Fate had been kind to you and I am so happy for a new beginning in your life.

Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Hi Siv .. you've captured your heart-ache from those times .. but how wonderful that in this day and age you can find each other again ..

With many thoughts - Hilary

EvalinaMaria said...

Thank goodness for waterproof mascara, tears are keep rolling on my cheeks...

Melissa said...

Oh, wow, Siv. How wonderful!!! Wishing you both all the best! :)