PANIC

Doing to many things at the same time, while not concentrating can have really bad consequences. Why can’t I get this into my thick skull? I really have to get a grip and learn how to slow down! I lost my mother’s bank card again. It happens often that I shop for groceries with two grocery lists and two bank cards, mine and my mothers.
You see, I do all the shopping for my mother since she does not leave the house. No, we are not keeping her trapped or tied up in her room; she has just decided that any excuse to stay inside is better than exposing her handicaps to anyone else. So I stand in the check-out lane as two people, much to the dismay of those standing in line behind me. I have two grocery lists, I separate the groceries into two piles and I pay with two bank cards then I pack it all up separately. This has become pretty much of a routine that I could do in my sleep, but sometimes I get myself in a hurry, and that is when I forget things and lose things. Today was one of those days. After all the groceries were put away, I heard these words, “Siv, I need my bankcard back.” Usually I have given it back and she has just forgotten where she had put it. Sometimes I have forgotten to give it back and once I check my coat pocket and it is not there, it is then that the panic sets in. Frantically I start the search and all sorts of things run through my mind. Did I lose it? Did I forget it at the store? In a panic I start thinking about calling the bank and cancelling the card.

Today this happened for the first time with others present.  I hate sharing this routine with others. As it happens, my son and father in-law are visiting this week-end so they could help with laying down the heating cables on the floor of our new addition. In secret I panic and search, trying not to let on that something is wrong. I search my pockets and because of the hole in my pockets, I search the lining of my coat. I go out to the car and look under the seats, I check the grocery bags, I check all over in my room hoping that it had fallen out of a pocket. Then it happens. My ever so thirsty son goes into the refrigerator and I hear him yelling out, “Mom, what’s this bank card doing in the fridge?” So much for secrets. Now I can get on with the business of making lunch and hoping that I can get them to eat the left over fish balls we had for dinner the other night. Another panic attack settles in, so I decide to lock myself in my room, put on my headphones and listen to some music first.