Another life
The pitch:
Desperate to make sense of her reoccurring dreams and nightmares, Emma seeks the help of a therapist that specializes in past life regression. What she uncovers sets her on a quest to find one man who holds the key to finding the happiness she so longs for.
Flash fiction using 4 of 5 prompts including a poem-Total word use 199
---Flashes of light danced before my eyes
Another life just passed in disguise
More memories to leave behind
More scars to heal this battered mind…
From a distance children were playing amongst the debris. All of them looked familiar. Before I could place the faces another image appeared. My heart recognized this small boy chasing a ball before my mind could grasp the fact that he was once again gone. Watching from a distance I could see two people sitting together under the remains of a concrete bridge. He was crying as he leaned over a rusted bridge support and stroked her wet hair. The cut on his leg would heal, but his heart might not. Sadness swept over me as I recognized the woman’s face as my own. In one quick flash my life had passed before my eyes.
There were no more surprises and with calmness never felt before, I opened my eyes and saw the doctor staring at me with curiosity. “So how do you feel?”
“I understand the dreams now… but the nightmares, will they go away?”
As I left the doctor’s office this "other life" made me more determined than ever to find him.
Please feel free to critique my writing.
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56 comments:
Oh, that was really sad!
I agree with Alex, this was really sad. Wish it was longer to make sure things get better for "him." Good job!
I totally want there to be more to this! Great job!
Fascinating! I hope she finds him!
Great job. Sad and emotive.
Niiiice. Way to fit in all those prompts! I'm impressed! :D
wonder who she is looking for. glad she has purpose now! good job!
From what I saw I just have to like it and it counts right? that is what I did. If I did it wrong let me know so I can vote for it. This was very good Siv and I really enjoyed it. With there was more actually.
I'm impressed about fitting in those prompts too.
I love reincarnation, so this really sang to me. :)
Wow.. nice hook. I want to know more of the story.
Aww! Such a sad story. I'd read more. :)
Wow, that was so beautiful and sad. Nice job!
My entry is 23, if you'd like to check it out.
Really good entry. I loved the way you pulled everything together so seamlessly. Well done, Siv! And thanks for dropping by and commenting. I'll go vote for you now.
I really like your pitch Siv and your story! Intrigued to find out more and why she needs to find him. Nice job!
Oh! This was so good! I totally didn't see the whole dream part coming! I am also curious as to why she needs to find him.
This is wonderful but sad. :(
Great story.
I didn't find it sad.... good use of prompts - glad to see not another end of world plot
Sue #48
I love the twist in the end. Great job!
You think? I find it rather hopeful :)
Nice catch there Elise! Yes---who is the him? Now if this were to be a story and not just a small flash fiction piece I could have probably brought out that point better.
Platform Building Campaign challenge Karen :) Thanks for the nice words.
Thank you, it is hard not to write more.
Thank you Rachel and of course she does...LOL! Not without some challenges along the way, what fun would that be?
Thank you.
Thank you, was a difficult challenge
My guess is that it would be someone from a past life of hers, what do you think?
Thank you, hard to do more with a limit of 200 words. This was a difficult challenge with lots of rules, but I think I did ok. Thanks for voting!
Thank you, I love the subject too. Always fascinates me, I mean, this can't be all.
Thanks, I want to know more too...lol
Thank you, didn't mean for it to be sad though, more of a revelation that brought hope.
Thanks Nancy, this was a hard one!
Thank you Christy. I would guess she needs to find him to make her present life more fulfilling.
Thank you Ashley. I thought about having her just die, but that would have been to boring. If I were going to write this I would have two choices the obvious---letting go, or the "Dragonfly" Wonder if anyone will figure out what that means-
Thank you, but sad is not really what I was going for.
Thanks
Thank you Sue. I agree, the end of days is used alot in this challenge. Glad you caught the hope in this story.
Thank you, nothing better than a good twist
I'm definitely interested in knowing what the other life is about and why it causes nightmares. You did a great job with the pitch and the poem, too :).
Amazing. Loved the poem. Poor woman. I hope she finds the boy. Way to tug at my heart-strings.
Nice use of the poem in there. Very emotive, I like how she comes out of it with a sense of purpose. I'm curious as to who "he" is, but also about the children... this could definitely go a lot further. Great job!
Interesting story! Quite sad!
Wow, someone finally figured it out...lol!
Thank you, hard challenge!
Thank you, most people seem to assume the "he" would be a love interest but that is just to obvious :)
Really? Emotional was what I was going for, not sad. Thanks for stopping by.
Ooo, I'm curious now. Great work! :)
Great job! I liked how you used the prompts, I'm not much of a sci-fi fan so it was more to my taste. I wanted more!
I think you did a great job tying everything together!!
Loved it! Well done!
Gosh, that was a tearful one. Hope she does find him. That was written from the heart.
Very touching. Love the line about how his wounds might heal but his heart might not.
This is a really cool idea to link the prompts! I love what you've done - the writing is beautiful and so is the story. :-)
Neat concept!
#46
Love the premise. Beautifully written. Wish I could read more. :)
Thanks for sharing. I liked the poem!
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