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| My mother and me in Central Park, NY 1959 |
Certain moments in my life have instantly snapped like a rubber
band and I knew at that very instant no matter how hard I tried to fight it, that
everything was about to change. It was like that the first time my mother gazed
off in the distance, as she sat in her chair, and said to me in a childish
voice, “Can you drive me home now? I want to go home but I don’t have any shoes
so I can’t walk there.”
My mother was home. She has been living with me and my
family for the past 10 years. Snap goes the rubber band and I knew it was time
to quite fooling myself. I had taken her to the doctor even though she had said
she was perfectly fine. I was worried about the dosage of her medicine and
forced her out of the house to see her doctor. His diagnosis was suspected dementia
or another mild stroke. She seemed fine enough at the time but I was kidding
myself, letting myself be deceived. Tell me, what child does not want to
believe their mother? The rubber band snapped and in an instant I became the
parent, my mother the child. My brother and sisters are in the states, so I am
a so called single parent. I make the hard decisions alone with the support of
my family here because they know firsthand the situation. I keep my sisters and
brother informed as best I can, but as one of my sisters said, “What can I do?”
She does the best she can by giving me emotional support and that is all I can
ask for.
Yesterday after my husband and I checked my mother into a
medical facility, where over the course of 3- 4 weeks she will be physically
and mentally tested for disease, I felt relieved yet saddened. Relieved knowing
that she will get the medical attention she needs yet has fought against.
Saddened because I know this proud woman does not like to be where she is but
has accepted the fact that she needs the kind of help that I cannot give her.
Kissing her on the cheek and leaving her in the care of others reminded me of
the first time I left my child in daycare. Strange how the wheels of time can turn
and how the snap of a moment can change your life.
Be kind to the people you love because one day when you
least expect it that rubber band will snap, and hopefully as your life is
changed you will make the right choices.
Happy New Year my friends! I hope the choices you make this
year bring you success and happiness!
