Another life
The pitch:
Desperate to make sense of her reoccurring dreams and nightmares, Emma seeks the help of a therapist that specializes in past life regression. What she uncovers sets her on a quest to find one man who holds the key to finding the happiness she so longs for.
Flash fiction using 4 of 5 prompts including a poem-Total word use 199
---Flashes of light danced before my eyes
Another life just passed in disguise
More memories to leave behind
More scars to heal this battered mind…
From a distance children were playing amongst the debris. All of them looked familiar. Before I could place the faces another image appeared. My heart recognized this small boy chasing a ball before my mind could grasp the fact that he was once again gone. Watching from a distance I could see two people sitting together under the remains of a concrete bridge. He was crying as he leaned over a rusted bridge support and stroked her wet hair. The cut on his leg would heal, but his heart might not. Sadness swept over me as I recognized the woman’s face as my own. In one quick flash my life had passed before my eyes.
There were no more surprises and with calmness never felt before, I opened my eyes and saw the doctor staring at me with curiosity. “So how do you feel?”
“I understand the dreams now… but the nightmares, will they go away?”
As I left the doctor’s office this "other life" made me more determined than ever to find him.
Please feel free to critique my writing.
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Oh, that was really sad!
ReplyDeleteYou think? I find it rather hopeful :)
DeleteI agree with Alex, this was really sad. Wish it was longer to make sure things get better for "him." Good job!
ReplyDeleteNice catch there Elise! Yes---who is the him? Now if this were to be a story and not just a small flash fiction piece I could have probably brought out that point better.
DeleteI totally want there to be more to this! Great job!
ReplyDeleteThank you, it is hard not to write more.
DeleteFascinating! I hope she finds him!
ReplyDeleteThank you Rachel and of course she does...LOL! Not without some challenges along the way, what fun would that be?
DeleteGreat job. Sad and emotive.
ReplyDeleteThank you.
DeleteNiiiice. Way to fit in all those prompts! I'm impressed! :D
ReplyDeleteThank you, was a difficult challenge
Deletewonder who she is looking for. glad she has purpose now! good job!
ReplyDeleteMy guess is that it would be someone from a past life of hers, what do you think?
DeleteFrom what I saw I just have to like it and it counts right? that is what I did. If I did it wrong let me know so I can vote for it. This was very good Siv and I really enjoyed it. With there was more actually.
ReplyDeleteThank you, hard to do more with a limit of 200 words. This was a difficult challenge with lots of rules, but I think I did ok. Thanks for voting!
DeleteI'm impressed about fitting in those prompts too.
ReplyDeleteI love reincarnation, so this really sang to me. :)
Thank you, I love the subject too. Always fascinates me, I mean, this can't be all.
DeleteWow.. nice hook. I want to know more of the story.
ReplyDeleteThanks, I want to know more too...lol
DeleteAww! Such a sad story. I'd read more. :)
ReplyDeleteWow, that was so beautiful and sad. Nice job!
ReplyDeleteMy entry is 23, if you'd like to check it out.
Thank you, didn't mean for it to be sad though, more of a revelation that brought hope.
DeleteReally good entry. I loved the way you pulled everything together so seamlessly. Well done, Siv! And thanks for dropping by and commenting. I'll go vote for you now.
ReplyDeleteThanks Nancy, this was a hard one!
DeleteI really like your pitch Siv and your story! Intrigued to find out more and why she needs to find him. Nice job!
ReplyDeleteThank you Christy. I would guess she needs to find him to make her present life more fulfilling.
DeleteOh! This was so good! I totally didn't see the whole dream part coming! I am also curious as to why she needs to find him.
ReplyDeleteThank you Ashley. I thought about having her just die, but that would have been to boring. If I were going to write this I would have two choices the obvious---letting go, or the "Dragonfly" Wonder if anyone will figure out what that means-
DeleteThis is wonderful but sad. :(
ReplyDeleteThank you, but sad is not really what I was going for.
DeleteGreat story.
ReplyDeleteThanks
DeleteI didn't find it sad.... good use of prompts - glad to see not another end of world plot
ReplyDeleteSue #48
Thank you Sue. I agree, the end of days is used alot in this challenge. Glad you caught the hope in this story.
DeleteI love the twist in the end. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThank you, nothing better than a good twist
DeletePlatform Building Campaign challenge Karen :) Thanks for the nice words.
ReplyDeleteI'm definitely interested in knowing what the other life is about and why it causes nightmares. You did a great job with the pitch and the poem, too :).
ReplyDeleteThank you, hard challenge!
DeleteAmazing. Loved the poem. Poor woman. I hope she finds the boy. Way to tug at my heart-strings.
ReplyDeleteWow, someone finally figured it out...lol!
DeleteNice use of the poem in there. Very emotive, I like how she comes out of it with a sense of purpose. I'm curious as to who "he" is, but also about the children... this could definitely go a lot further. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThank you, most people seem to assume the "he" would be a love interest but that is just to obvious :)
DeleteInteresting story! Quite sad!
ReplyDeleteReally? Emotional was what I was going for, not sad. Thanks for stopping by.
DeleteOoo, I'm curious now. Great work! :)
ReplyDeleteGreat job! I liked how you used the prompts, I'm not much of a sci-fi fan so it was more to my taste. I wanted more!
ReplyDeleteI think you did a great job tying everything together!!
ReplyDeleteLoved it! Well done!
ReplyDeleteGosh, that was a tearful one. Hope she does find him. That was written from the heart.
ReplyDeleteVery touching. Love the line about how his wounds might heal but his heart might not.
ReplyDeleteThis is a really cool idea to link the prompts! I love what you've done - the writing is beautiful and so is the story. :-)
ReplyDeleteNeat concept!
ReplyDelete#46
Love the premise. Beautifully written. Wish I could read more. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing. I liked the poem!
ReplyDelete